Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Thanks for reminding me I'm losing my job

I'm filling in for a gentleman, Mr N, who recently ran for election. He decided to take a leave of absence, and so I have been filling in for him since the end of August. If he won the election, there was a very good probability I would have been offered his old position full time. He didn't win the election, and I have not been officially told whether or not he's returning to this position.

The last time I saw him (day before the election), he told me he did not intend to return to the position and that he thought that another elected official may offer him a staff position. HOWEVER, The candidate for whom I'd been volunteering (Mr L - running for a different position), spoke to Mr N last night and Mr N told him that he is returning to the position on Monday. I found this out about 30 minutes ago from my Dad, one of Mr L's closest friends and advisors.

Since the election, I've had many coworkers ask me if Mr N is coming back, sometimes dropping by my cubicle to ask. I've done my best to smile and answer something like "Oh, I'm not sure. I haven't heard anything yet." But on the inside, I'm screaming "Gee, thanks for reminding me I may be out of a job soon. You don't see me stopping by your work area and asking if you've been laid off yet. Moron!"

Just 5 minutes ago, a coworker dropped by my cubicle to ask if Mr N was coming back. I didn't even recognize this guy. But everyone around here knows Mr N and I'm in his old cubicle. This time, instead of my usual vague answer, in my emotional state, replied "You know, but asking me that reminds me that I may not have a job soon." He stumbled over some words, tried to reassure me that they'd find a way to keep me, and then patted me on the back. (WTF? You remind me I could lose my job and then pat me on my back? I never said you could touch me!)

What gives? Why do people think it's okay to just drop in and remind me I'm about to be unemployed, again, around the holidays. I just want to slam their stupid heads into my desk. It takes every ounce of propriety I have not to yell "So, have you been laid off yet?"

I want to crawl under my desk and cry.

So I'm slowly packing up my personal stuff out of my desk drawers and will start slowly taking my things home with me.

Mr L's in a runoff, and I know he wants me to come work his campaign full time. But I'm worried that I won't be able to afford my health insurance (which was absolutely the most pitiful thing I've ever seen). And even after that the situation's tenuous as Mr L can't offer me anything officially until he's elected. If he's not elected, I really don't know what I'm going to do.


Now I'm starting to get pissed. 1) Mr N should have told this himself. I shouldn't have heard it from anyone but him. 2) I fee like he LIED to me. He's told be at least twice now that he didn't intend to return, but he's told my MOTHER that he might, and now he's told Mr L that he will. When we would run into each other at election/campaign events, we would hug and chat and ask about each other's SO and were very friendly. Now I feel like he's completely stabbed me in the back.

I really wanna give him a piece of my mind (a few colorful words come to mind), but 1) that would be rude and 2) I don't want to say anything I would regret.

Still, I hate stewing in this. Grrr.

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