Thursday, June 7, 2012

I am an idiot

I am an idiot.  I managed to fall and sprain my ankle stepping through a door I've walked through thousands of times before. 

It's Saturday, roughly 4pm.  We're getting ready to head off to a birthday party for an old and ear friend of mine.  The night before I baked 6 dozen mini cornbread muffins (I know you're shocked that I baked, but I can't really only make cornbread, and it's my own recipe).  The birthday boy request my hot pink bathing suit, and despite the fact that I think I look like a beached whale in a bathing suit, I'd decided I'd put on my XL big girl panties and just get over it.  I'd even found one of the sarongs he gave me all those years ago (1999) that matched the suit.  (hey, if I'm going to look like a beached whale, at least I can tastefully cover up the worst bits when out of the water)

I'm packed and ready to roll, Ed's taking care of some last minute stuff.  He suggests that we encourage the dogs to go potty before we crate them for the evening.  So I decide to take care of it.  "Who wants to go potty?  Let's go potty!" as I head for the back yard.  Cue two large black dogs racing each other for the dog door.  I step into the garage - no problem.  I open the door to the back yard - no problem.  I step through the door - problem. 

I honestly have no idea what happened, other than the obvious.  Somehow, I stepped funny and my right foot supinated and turned under me and down I went.  I heard some lovely pops and felt searing pain.  I started screaming.  Mr Empathetic (*sarcasm*) comes out.  "What's wrong!?"  And it pretty much went down hill from there.  (like it's not obvious I've done something to my foot considering I'm clutching it and crying/screaming)

It's the same ankle I dislocated when I was 14.  I've had problems with it ever since. 

I was furious that we missed the party.  Angry at myself.  I'm still angry. 

I'm on the mend, and thanks to my local BFF who is also a medic, I'm mending quickly. He came by that night to look at it.  He yelled at me for not doing enough for it, and then iced it (god damn that was cold!) and wrapped it (he's not that gentle). I swear, neither of the men in my life are very empathetic.  He took me to the Dr on Monday, and the Dr was amused that I have my own personal medic.  He stopped by last night and looked at it again.  He's pleased with my progress. 

Still, I'm an idiot.  And I hate my ankle.

Conversations with Co-Workers

Seems like I've been having a lot of strange conversations with co-workers lately.  I take it as a good sign - I try not to let too much of my weirdness show around people with whom I'm not particularly close.

Since I've been a casualty of my own clumsiness and not driving (but that's another post), the Office Mama's been driving me in this week.  We've talked about:
  •  high end sex toy shops (I love Tulip in Chicago)
  • vaj-dazzlers.  According to RK, it's apparently "a thing" now to decorate your lady bits with body sequins.  Luckily, he and most of the others who commented find it absurd (I prefer a more understated and elegant aesthetic.  If less is more, then none is most.).  

Some of the stranger conversations in the office with Mr Coffee and JB have included:
  • the vaj-dazzler (it's just too funny to not make fun of!)
  • mispronounced words, like "ax a qwershchun", "kerger" (cougar), and windoos (windows)
  • the Boondocks and its social commentary
  • in depth discussions of race relations
  • political history
  • why Texas is so f-ed up
  • current politics
  • the War on Women (and my comment to Mr Coffee that the last time I checked, there were no politicians in my hooha)
  • religion (and how I dodged a bullet when asked "And where do you attend services?"  You'd be so proud of me!  I didn't say "I left the church for a myriad of political and personal reasons, namely the constant spewing of hate from people who claim to follow the teachings of a man who preached love."  Instead, I deflected with "My family attends XYZ now."
  • body art, and my collection of it and burning desire for more (no, I've not dropped my pants at the office to show some of it off)
  • my father (who worked here before I started)
  • the complexities of my strange and twisting family tree
  • sex ("People like to mate." - JB)
  • coffee accoutrements and the virtues of French Press
  • gossiping about a certain Tea Party member here
  • who's going to babysit for me once Mini-Leah or Mini-Ed is created
  • more sex
  • and other "taboo" topics that I can't really recall right now
I've also pointed out some unfortunate stains to Mr Coffee, warned him to XYZ, and sewn a button back on his shirt (while he was wearing it).  

Some days, I'm convinced we're all going to hell.  At least I'll be there with some good friends.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Mrs. Council Member?

I have been mistaken for my boss's wife several times now.  I'm thoroughly amused by it.  The last time was at a LGBT oriented Gala. 

Did I mention my boss is gay?  Yeah.  He was on the cover of a local LGBT magazine shortly after he was elected.  First gay man elected to this city's council. 

And I definitely do NOT look like a 40-something Argentinian man who resembles a teddy bear.  Though he is absolutely adorable. 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Hidden Talents

I discovered a new talent today.  Apparently, I am very capable of splashing my eye with coffee (okay, it's milk with coffee in it) from my klean kanteen bottle (with the squirty top off). 

I have been advised  by a scientist acquaintance that the base quality of the milk neutralized the acid in the coffee, hence no sting.  But the artificial sweetener might harbor some bacteria that could cause an eye infection in a few days. 

Oh joy. 

On an unrelated note - I may be driving to San Antonio solo tomorrow afternoon.  The husband was supposed to join me for a weekend trip to my sister's, but he is feeling under the weather and would make a very poor travel companion.  My father has gone "Jewish Mother" on me (his words) and is a little freaked out that I would make the 3 hours trip alone.  I've sat in Chicago traffic longer than that.  I reassured him I'd check my tire pressure before leaving, get a full tank of gas, call him upon leaving and arriving, and that my GPS marked all the gas stations and I have road side assistance through my insurance and Toyota.  I told him that by being a Jewish Mother (we are not Jewish), he raised me right so he didn't have to worry, but that I knew he would anyway. 

I should note that my mother offered to caravan with me, as she and a friend are going to San An to see her brother the same evening.  But I'd rather make the trip on my own schedule instead.  A little solo time and independence does the soul good. 

Friday, March 23, 2012

A evening with the Japanese Consul General

On Wednesday, I had the distinct honor of attending a reception at the home of our Japanese Consul General remembering the Great East Japan Earthquake of 2011 and celebrating Japan's success in reconstruction.

First there was a ceremonial part of the evening, remembering and honoring the lives lost and the people who gave of themselves to help orphans and the reconstruction process. There were proclamations and plaques and a moment of silence. Then the Consul General shifted the tone to focus on Japan’s success in rebuilding its industries and reaffirming its relationships in the US. The mood of determined and hopeful, yet festive.

The sake, white wine, and food was imported from Japan. The Consul General was particularly proud of the sake (it was excellent). He’s a very gracious and funny gentleman, quick to smile and laugh at a good joke. He was very impressed and pleased that I greeted him in Japanese. His wife is equally gracious and warm; she was disappointed to learn that Ed had stayed home. I’m planning on writing a note thanking them for their hospitality.

Everyone was very friendly and seemed appreciative that I made the effort to say "good evening," "how do you do," and "pleased to meet" you in Japanese. That's about the extent of my Japanese.  A few who are Japanese-Americans and I joked at how we speak “menu” very well. I suspect their families have similar stories and histories with the detention camps as my in-laws (no one brought those up – not the reason for the evening).

We were sent home with a folk art doll that is proudly displayed at the office. It’s supposed to be good for mental and physical health.

I also got to meet some Japanese community contacts. We’re planning on attending Japan-Fest next weekend.

 A local County Commissioner, the Consul General, my boss, and me.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

It's not that hard

My boss is an elected official.  His name is not hard.  It's not unusual.  If you want me to take your call or email seriously, the bare minimum you can do is spell and pronounce his name correctly.  And if in doubt, you can always just call him by his position (ex:  Chairman, Congress Woman, Council Member, etc) or ask for clarification.

And I understand that my last name is not exactly easy.  You may call me Leah, Ms Leah, or Ms MaidenName if Ms Maid-MarriedName is too hard.  Heck, if you can pronounce my married name, I'll even respond to Ms MarriedName.  Ma'am is also fine.  I don't particularly care for Miss or Mrs, but I won't correct you.  I will correct you if you call me only by my last name (either of them) as I'm not in the military or in law enforcement.

But my name is NOT Missy, Young Lady, Baby, Little Girl, You Stupid B-word, or anything else that initializes or disrespects me.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Gandmothers can be really sneaky sometimes

Many of you may remember the fiasco with my grandmother (via my bio-Pops) when I got married just over a year ago.  She left me a voice mail the week before the wedding saying she couldn't make it because 1) the cows at the ranch needed to be fed and 2) there were some cousins from my deceased grandfather's side of the family that happened to be in town and wanted to see the ranch.

I was pretty upset.  I'm the eldest granddaughter, and she'd just attended another granddaughter's wedding that summer, so I felt pretty snubbed.  I also knew that cows and cousins were pretty lame excuses for skipping a wedding and I suspect other motives, possibly including but not limited to:  it was a civil ceremony (the Cap'n atheist and I'm sorta agnostic/atheist/Buddhist), it was a 2nd marriage for both of us, my grandmother's extremely Catholic, the Cap'n half Japanese, it was a Pirate themed wedding & we encouraged costumes, and/or we'd been living together for several years.  This was 1/1/2011.  I'm also a fair bit disappointed with my bio-Pops and family for not telling her how cruddy it was to skip a wedding.  (you'd think she'd be happy that we were finally getting married and not "living in sin" anymore)

I skipped the family Christmas celebration this last year mostly to avoid her (I've been angry for a long time), though also because my sister from my adoptive side was in town with her family. 

Yesterday we attended a vow renewal for my Aunt MM and Uncle SM that celebrated their 25th anniversary.  I knew she'd be there, and I didn't want to cause a stink and detract in any from the party, so I talked to some of my FB gurus and decided that general avoidance was my best course of action. 

Even though she sat right in front of me, I managed to avoid her during the mass.  I also managed to avoid her though lunch - right up until the very end.  She cornered me and hugged me.  It was brief, so I just let it go and gave her a quick hug back.  Then, as the Cap'n and I were leaving, we encountered her again and she gave me another hug good bye, only she held on and started crying because she missed my grandfather so much.  (Frankly, I don't know why.  He was a class A abusive jerk.)

So I'm a big softie and I hugged her back and told her I loved her and that I was glad I saw her.  Am I still upset at the snub?  Absolutely.  But ya know what?  She'll never understand why what she did was so hurtful.  I'm 31, she's late 70's.  She's not going to change, and I have better things to do with my life than hold a grudge against an old lady. 

But she was sneaky with those hugs.   ;) 

I thought y'all might like the update.