Many of you may remember the fiasco with my grandmother (via my bio-Pops) when I got married just over a year ago. She left me a voice mail the week before the wedding saying she couldn't make it because 1) the cows at the ranch needed to be fed and 2) there were some cousins from my deceased grandfather's side of the family that happened to be in town and wanted to see the ranch.
I was pretty upset. I'm the
eldest granddaughter, and she'd just attended another granddaughter's
wedding that summer, so I felt pretty snubbed. I also knew that cows
and cousins were pretty lame excuses for skipping a wedding and I
suspect other motives, possibly including but not limited to: it was a
civil ceremony (the Cap'n atheist and I'm sorta
agnostic/atheist/Buddhist), it was a 2nd marriage for both of us, my
grandmother's extremely Catholic, the Cap'n half Japanese, it was a
Pirate themed wedding & we encouraged costumes, and/or we'd been
living together for several years. This was 1/1/2011. I'm also a fair
bit disappointed with my bio-Pops and family for not telling her how
cruddy it was to skip a wedding. (you'd think she'd be happy that we
were finally getting married and not "living in sin" anymore)
skipped the family Christmas celebration this last year mostly to avoid
her (I've been angry for a long time), though also because my sister
from my adoptive side was in town with her family.
attended a vow renewal for my Aunt MM and Uncle SM that celebrated their
25th anniversary. I knew she'd be there, and I didn't want to cause a
stink and detract in any from the party, so I talked to some of my FB
gurus and decided that general avoidance was my best course of action.
Even though she sat right in front
of me, I managed to avoid her during the mass. I also managed to avoid
her though lunch - right up until the very end. She cornered me and
hugged me. It was brief, so I just let it go and gave her a quick hug
back. Then, as the Cap'n and I were leaving, we encountered her again
and she gave me another hug good bye, only she held on and started
crying because she missed my grandfather so much. (Frankly, I don't
know why. He was a class A abusive jerk.)
So I'm a big softie
and I hugged her back and told her I loved her and that I was glad I saw
her. Am I still upset at the snub? Absolutely. But ya know what?
She'll never understand why what she did was so hurtful. I'm 31, she's
late 70's. She's not going to change, and I have better things to do
with my life than hold a grudge against an old lady.
But she was sneaky with those hugs.
I thought y'all might like the update.