Sunday, March 11, 2012

Gandmothers can be really sneaky sometimes

Many of you may remember the fiasco with my grandmother (via my bio-Pops) when I got married just over a year ago.  She left me a voice mail the week before the wedding saying she couldn't make it because 1) the cows at the ranch needed to be fed and 2) there were some cousins from my deceased grandfather's side of the family that happened to be in town and wanted to see the ranch.

I was pretty upset.  I'm the eldest granddaughter, and she'd just attended another granddaughter's wedding that summer, so I felt pretty snubbed.  I also knew that cows and cousins were pretty lame excuses for skipping a wedding and I suspect other motives, possibly including but not limited to:  it was a civil ceremony (the Cap'n atheist and I'm sorta agnostic/atheist/Buddhist), it was a 2nd marriage for both of us, my grandmother's extremely Catholic, the Cap'n half Japanese, it was a Pirate themed wedding & we encouraged costumes, and/or we'd been living together for several years.  This was 1/1/2011.  I'm also a fair bit disappointed with my bio-Pops and family for not telling her how cruddy it was to skip a wedding.  (you'd think she'd be happy that we were finally getting married and not "living in sin" anymore)

I skipped the family Christmas celebration this last year mostly to avoid her (I've been angry for a long time), though also because my sister from my adoptive side was in town with her family. 

Yesterday we attended a vow renewal for my Aunt MM and Uncle SM that celebrated their 25th anniversary.  I knew she'd be there, and I didn't want to cause a stink and detract in any from the party, so I talked to some of my FB gurus and decided that general avoidance was my best course of action. 

Even though she sat right in front of me, I managed to avoid her during the mass.  I also managed to avoid her though lunch - right up until the very end.  She cornered me and hugged me.  It was brief, so I just let it go and gave her a quick hug back.  Then, as the Cap'n and I were leaving, we encountered her again and she gave me another hug good bye, only she held on and started crying because she missed my grandfather so much.  (Frankly, I don't know why.  He was a class A abusive jerk.)

So I'm a big softie and I hugged her back and told her I loved her and that I was glad I saw her.  Am I still upset at the snub?  Absolutely.  But ya know what?  She'll never understand why what she did was so hurtful.  I'm 31, she's late 70's.  She's not going to change, and I have better things to do with my life than hold a grudge against an old lady. 

But she was sneaky with those hugs.   ;) 

I thought y'all might like the update.

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