Dog House

I'm in the dog house. SAM's mad at me that I posted on a social network site "delaying wedding. I hate being poor!"

I guess a relative called him. So he texted me that he's really mad at me, used a few expletives, and said I have a big mouth. I'm pissed too.

I'm pissed because I DON'T WANT A WEDDING. I just want to be married and get on with our lives. I don't need an elaborate event to prove I love him. I don't want the stress of planning a wedding. And I don't want to spend a bunch of money on just one day. It's not worth it to me.

There's a few factors at play. 1) I've already had a Big White Wedding from a marriage that ended in divorce. I don't want want to go through the stress of planning another BWW, I'm already over wanting the "dream wedding" (I'd rather have a good marriage), and since we spent so much money on just one day, I'm not too keen on doing that again. 2) SAM eloped with his first wife. So I understand that he WANTS a wedding (partially because I think some of his family is pressuring him to have one). BUT, he's not been involved much in doing any of the research and planning. I have a hunch all of that will fall on me - partly because I'm the bride and partly because I'm not working right now.

BUT, if this election goes well, I'm about to become CRAZY busy. So won't have much time available to plan a wedding. And my Dad's about to start running another election (which rules out fall 2010).

So I'm about ready to just say "F it all!" I'm starting to feel like it's more important to him to have his dream wedding (that we can't afford - hence the delay) than it is for me to be his partner.

I want to scream and cry at the same time.